Manipulators deftly inspire the feeling of guilt, blackmail, threatening, flattering. We fulfill their wishes or orders to the detriment of yourself, as if having lost their will. Such games sometimes last year, poisoning life.
To protect against them
These are the boundaries of your personal space. Of course, manipulators, roughly violating our borders, do not respect and do not recognize these rights. But only we ourselves, and no one else is responsible for their lives.
In communication, the manipulator constantly changes the masks: he is emphasized with one person, with another — defiantly cooled, in one situation is absolutely helpless, in another — extremely aggressive. If you have noticed that someone is characteristic of such extremes, keep this person at a safe distance and try not to enter into contacts without need.
Most often, the causes of such behavior are complex and rooted deep in children’s experience. Fix, re-educate or save the manipulator — not your task.
The task of the manipulator is to play on your weaknesses. No wonder if you begin to feel your inferiority next to him and even blame yourself that you do not meet it. Track these feelings and remember that the problem is not in you. You manipulate to make you feel not good enough, and therefore, ready to comply with someone else’s will and abandon your rights. Think of your relationship with a manipulator, answering such questions:
Answers to these questions will help to understand, the problem is in you in you or in another person.
Manipulators always overcome you requests or demands, forcing you to forget about yourself and switch to their needs. Hearing the next unreasonable call addressed to you, move the focus of attention from my own person on the manipulator. Ask him a few check questions, and it will become clear whether he has at least some self-criticality:
By asking these questions, you seem to put the mirror in front of him, and the manipulator can see the true meaning of his request in the «reflection». Most likely, he will retreat and take his request back.
But there are among them and completely hopeless characters who will not even listen to you and continue to insist on their own. In this case, take advantage of the following tips.
Another favorite reception of manipulators is to seek you immediately answer or action. In a situation of lack of time, it is easier for them to manage you and achieve their goals (in the terminology of sales specialists this is called «Close Transaction»).
If you feel that pressure is put on you, do not hurry to make a decision. Use the temporary factor in your own interests, distance the attempts to put pressure on you. You will save control over the situation, just saying: «I’ll think about it.» These are very effective words! Take a pause to evaluate everything for both against, and weigh: whether you want to continue the discussion, or it is better to say «no.»
The ability to say «no» is generally the most important part of the art of communication. It allows you to stand firmly on your own, while maintaining a normal relationship.
Remember that you have the right to establish your own priorities, the right to say no, without feeling the feelings of guilt, and the right to choose your way to happiness.
In response to the rude invasion of your personal space and reluctance to hear your «no» tell the manipulator about the consequences of his actions.
The ability to predict and convincingly formulate possible consequences — one of the strongest means allowing the manipulator from the game. This puts it in a dead end and makes change the attitude towards you respectful.
Sometimes the manipulators reach direct bullying, trying to intimidate the victim or harm her. The most important thing is that it is necessary to remember here: such people cling to those who are considered to be weaklings. While you are passive and compliant — you are a potential victim for them. At the same time, in the soul, many of these cowardist offenders. And as soon as the accuracy of the victim begins to show hardness and defend its rights, the manipulator most often retreats. This rule works in any community: at school, in the family, at work.
As research shows, many offenders themselves are victims of violence. This circumstance, of course, in no way apologizes their behavior, but it is important to remember about him to refer to their attacks.